Saturday, 28 January 2017

My Alma Mater; Rickmansworth Young Ladies College.



My Alma Mater; Rickmansworth Young Ladies College.

I was telling Tamsin about my earliest memories. I recalled playing on a big rocking horse and our Ginger cat that used to lie on the end of my bed. I asked Tamsin what were her earliest childhood memories.

Trouble is Tamsin cannot help herself she always has to go one better. She said it was escaping involuntarily from her mother’s uterus to find Auntie Elsie coochie-cooing and tickling her under her chin as her father endeavoured to take a photo of her on his mobile phone just as they were about to cut her umbilical cord.  

She said it all got a bit hazy after that. I know Tamsin is inclined to exaggerate but paraphrasing one of father’s sayings “stuff me this surely has to take the cake”.

When I was about ten I remember asking mother where babies come from, she said they were found under Gooseberry bushes. I accepted her answer without question despite bizarre speculation by the other girls. Years later on Graduation day or was it School Camp when I was seventeen I found to my horror she had been lying to me for years. My mother is now trying to convince me that as a baby I was left at her front door and was adopted. Perhaps she is after carer’s money, who knows.


Uncle Crass and Auntie Jekyll are coming over at the week-end. Incidentally the good news is that Uncle Crass has had the tracking device removed from his ankle and Auntie Jekyll has at last been finally admitted to a home for the mentally confused and befuddled. Mother wants me to help with the catering. I have bought a Woman’s Weakly cook-book which has a lot of good stuff in it.


I am thinking of making ‘Hundreds and Thousands’ sandwiches for Uncle Crass, Naturally with the crusts cut off and for Auntie Jekyll perhaps savoury sausages with a Condensed milk dip and for afters bread soaked in treacle with a tomato sauce topping. I have also been looking out for drinks that glow in the dark.


LATE MESSAGE! My mother has asked me to stay out of the kitchen.


My parents sent me to a very expensive exclusive girl’s boarding school Rickmansworth Ladies College for genteel young ladies, one terms school term fees would have armed a third world country for years or fed a child from Biafra for hundreds of years, probably more and possibly got a space program off the ground for them.


Some sad news, some wretched person ‘Sniped’ me on EBay for the spotters guide to UK Electricity Pylons and won it for 80 Pee. I honestly don't understand how these people can possibly live with themselves.


A chance remark by an internet acquaintance of mine reminded me of an incident at school.

I was approached by Miss Frenzi the school sports teacher and asked if I would like to join the senior netball team.

She asked “what position on the court would you like to be trialled?


I replied “well, preferably in goal miss”


She inquired "do you know much about netball Bridgette?"


I replied "Well frankly not a lot"


She never got back to me!


I have just heard on the news, that if Iran does not cease its nuclear ambitions not only will the UN step up its sanctions, but Iran will be forced to host the next FIFA world cup. Finally the UN is getting serious.


We buried Charmaine one of our chickens the other day, she had been egg bound.


Tamsin, Phaedra, Patience, Rhonda and I stood in a circle and farewelled her with two choruses of “She who would true valiant be” or something like that. Her spirit moved on and she was consigned to the cold, cold ground. I advanced the hypothesis that it is possible that the sudden demise of Charmaine must have caught the attention of the other chickens and would have been the focus of much discussion. We as humans think we are the centre of the universe; we are so puffed up with our own importance we fail to see the broader picture.

Mother dear, we are wretched victims of nihilism. Chickens too suffer anxieties from a sense of insecurity when something like this happens. Remember we are all fellow travellers on this inconsequential dying blue/green stellar piece of flotsam floating aimlessly without any apparent purpose against a star-studded Ebon cyclorama.


Remember Life doesn't stop when Dementia starts!


No, it’s not the ramblings of a Twitter amateur Philosopher; I saw it on the wall in the doctor’s waiting room along with “Parents be ever vigilant for head lice" Funny that, I thought only children got head lice.


It has happened again another one of our chickens died. I found Pamela on her back under a tree. She was a homing chicken. She will be sorely missed. As you can imagine the other chickens are distraught and again are trying to come to terms with the tragic loss of a sister chicken.


Tamsin
 my third best friend asked my friend Graham what she should buy her mother for her 20th wedding anniversary. Seeing she had Irish heritage he suggested buying a celebratory pack of 20 DVD'S totalling 1000 hours of Irish dancing.

Roger, my sort of first boy-friend bought me a year subscription for my birthday to the Dolly magazine little realizing the profound, haunting morbid dread I used to experience whenever I was about to open the sealed section at the back of the Dolly Magazine, it probably explains why even today I am terrified of Badgers. Can you understand that?


It was the second time Roger got me home after 10.PM  father said the next time this happens he will be ostracised. I asked Roger if that meant he will not be able to have children.

By the way I was hoping the new Pope would have been an African woman.


I suppose it all started when my mother suggested I should cultivate some "deep meaningful relationships" So I joined Facebook. Father accused me of being a tart trying to pick up men of the opposite 
species. I overheard mother's Bridge partner Mrs Tinkle ask if I was adopted, Mother shook her head and replied "I don't know where she came from" with heavy emphasis on the 'where'

Follow Oprah Winfrey isn’t she a twin? Why would I want to follow Oprah Winfrey I have never liked tennis.





Saturday, 21 January 2017

Bad Taste Television.


Warning
Consult your Psychiatrist for Correct Dosage.

It was while channel hopping on my 55 inch television when to my horror I was confronted by a sudden, disturbing scene of a Gentleman exhibiting his flaccid penis. There was a sharp intake of breath or was it an involuntary gasp from my wife. Not being fleet of foot I admit it was my fault I was unable to shield her eyes quickly enough from the offending scene. It was a program called ‘Embarrassing Bodies’’ My first thought being, is nothing sacred. These TV feasts are collectively known as Bad Taste Television.

These type of shows are becoming more and more common, and knowing Television has an insatiable appetite I wondered whether it was right and proper for me to contact the TV station/stations with more unusual ideas for new plots in the same series. In no time at all I had three programs planned and one in the pipeline. Tasteless Television I found does not take a great deal of thought or imagination.

The first bad taste concept concerns a lovely married couple Eugene and Francis; Sweethearts from their school days. It will be explained they took advantage of the referendum for Homosexual couples to demand to be recognized as husband and wife and given the same rights as a couple in a conventional marriage. Desperately wanting children but as a same sex couple were unable to achieve same due to not having the required carefully matched sexual equipment they were however able to apply for a  licence to import two small children after a ruling by the UN Court of Human Rights in the Hague.

The plot continues. The two lovers fly to some place in Africa, could be Gambia, hang on might be Sierra Leone and using a local intermediately promised he would find the couple a matched pair of small children. A sum is agreed upon and all that is left to do is to apply for an export licence. The beauty of this plot is it can be ongoing similar to the BBC series where the TV crew return every seven years and see how the two children are coping with discrimination, Homophobia, Bigotry and racist remarks.

The Bad Taste Television continues taking advantage of the plethora of building and restoration programs. Here the viewers are treated to a complete restoration and makeover of Auschwitz concentration camp. The camp will be demolished to make way for high rise apartments. Each apartment will boast a single reception room, bathroom, two bedrooms with ensuites, under floor heating and of course modern showers each with its own balcony, the complex will also boast a communal gym.

Some aesthetically pleasing original features will be retained and hopefully incorporated into the new apartments others removed like the greeting arch at the entrance reading “Arbeit Macht Frei” it will be replaced with a flashing coloured neon sign proclaiming ‘Dunroamin’ aptly named as most of the people in residence will be retirees. A country wide competition could be held to select a name for this new housing complex. As an act of respect  a marker will be placed at the entrance to the complex reminding visitors of the buildings original purpose. The small gauge railway line will be replaced and modified to merge with the main line linking it to the rest of the country.

Lastly an absolute gem of an idea for a series which could be regarded as the ‘Very Best of Tasteless TV’

It calls for four married couples, conventional couples I might add who have already decided they definitely do not want children, well not at this stage of their relationship anyway.. I visualize the title of this reality show being called “The Surprised Parent” It has been agreed before-hand the couples will be provided with free condoms for one year only.  Each week they talk about their relationship with each other, their hopes and fears for the future and their desire for one day perhaps have children.

Now what the couples do not know is a hole has been deliberately and carefully made in one of the condoms which will be given to one of the 4 couples regularly, even the production people do not know which contestants will be given the tampered one. It is assumed hopefully within the allotted year a “Surprise Parent” will surface.

It is a lose/win situation the contestants have not been told that the impregnated loser/losers will win a house, a holiday and a car. I feel this concept of a Tasteless TV show could have a tremendous following during the weeks when the X factor, Emmerdale, Coronation Street, Britain has Talent and the host of cooking shows go into recess.

A new program is being promoted by Channel Seven in Australia who appear to specialize in these type of shows for the walking brain dead it is called “Brides and Prejudice” The programs catch cry is it’s “controversial” as is most Bad Taste Television I might add. A short promo show a white girl with her overweight Negro husband with his arms around her heavily pregnant stomach, an expectant mother who could be harbouring quads and should have given birth a couple of months earlier.

I assume there had been some resentment by her family of her choice of husband; thus the title for this TV offering and is where the word Prejudice in the programs title is cleverly utilized.

This delicate subject is not new. Sarkozy the ex-president of France advocated the same but instead married a gorgeous leggy ‘hot blonde chick’ from the cat-walk. The saying do as I say, not what I do spring to mind.

Sarkozy said “The goal is to meet the challenge of racial interbreeding. The challenge of racial interbreeding that faces us in the 21st Century. It’s not a choice, it’s an obligation. It’s imperative. We cannot do otherwise. We risk finding ourselves confronted with major problems. We MUST change; therefore we WILL change.

Following his advice Mr. Kalergi’s vision of the future of humanity surely will be realized.

Kalergi said "The man of the future will be of mixed race. The races and classes of today will gradually disappear due to the elimination of space, time, and prejudice. The Eurasian-negroid race of the future, similar in appearance to the Ancient Egyptians, will replace the diversity of peoples and the diversity of individuals."

Sunday, 1 January 2017

Name,Rank and number or 2011 Census


Name, Rank and Number.

Or the 2011 Census
Written 2011
I read with some disquiet that Die Eurostat in Das Kapital will be given access to the British census figures. I would have liked to have written ‘the English census figures’ but since WW2 England has ceased to exist as a nation state due to its people’s criminal apathy and the treachery of its leaders in collusion with its Regal Representatives passing governance to an undemocratically illegally formed European pseudo Marxist government on the European mainland.

That said, in a full blown surveillance society, where the Prolls are watched around the clock by plus or minus 4.2 million CCTV cameras and subjected to ideological terrorism and the loss of personal freedoms that we have always taken for granted in the past, I am sure those of us that might be considered as activists, patriots or thinkers then our Emails no doubt are monitored along with all other means of communication. What a godsend for a census to arrive at this critical time in the birth of our Orwellian world.

On tracing my family’s history back quite a few generations I found they originated from Monmouth and Devizes in Wiltshire. I also noted that on the 1811 census forms the only information that was required was the names of the residents in the household on the night of the census, their relationship to one another, their ages and their sex and their occupations, type of dwelling and number of rooms. There were questions inquiring of those who were deaf, dumb, lunatics, imbeciles or feebleminded. 200 years later the information required might have changed but the purpose of a census has not; information gathering. What will be alarming in the coming census is the number of Mohammeds and Patel’s on the ‘English census’ and names that do not possess a vowel.

As a point of interest, in the 1911 census many females refused to take part and made sure they were ‘away’. Having been refused the right to vote they rightfully figured why take part in a census? Likewise how much respect the Government pay you as an ethnic Briton I feel suppose should mirror how much you feel your input is on the census form is going to improve your standing in YOUR country when due to their suicidal policies YOU ARE going to be a minority in YOUR Country anyway. Can one really be serious? Perhaps they would like to chronicle your demise for its historical records, to show the rapid social transformation this country is at present undergoing.

This is another world, one our grandparents would barely recognize. For instance the resident Head of the household and his wife could be both of the same sex and be legally married as well as the guardians of a number of children of varying colours and hues. The said children could be the illegitimate offspring of a number of fathers of a number of races who because of their delusional mental state call themselves British. If I might be allowed to indulge in a little crass crudity here I assume if the Homosexual couple “made love” in front of the children then that is quite legal too, as their human rights as de facto parents have be recognized and respected. It’s a liberal thing you see. God did I write this?

In response to a question asked by Lord Peer Stoddart of Swindon the government has confirmed from the Director General of National Statistics that the UK and all other member states (not countries you might observe) are required to make available to the Die Eurostat, the EU’S statistics department to be given information from the British 2011 national census. All satellites regions of the Collective Socialist Bloc will be required to make available to Das Kapital in Bruxelles a set of standardised statistical outputs from a census or comparable statistical sources relating to the year 2011.

Lord Stoddard believes that successive governments have been responsible for handing over statistical information about their citizens to an unelected foreign body. He said Census data can be used for a multitude of other reasons other than just to collect data. It can be used to single out one section of the population, look into people finances and look into people’s personal information. To put your mind at rest at present personal details will not be given to Die Eurostat but he did say he has NO confidence that Her Majesties government will not in the future cave in and agree that personal information about every British citizen can be given to other satellite members within the bloc and lodged in the archives of Das European Kommisariat.


Now when I was in the military we were told that if captured under the Geneva Convention all we need to divulge under interrogation was our name, rank and number. The Geneva Convention means different things to different regimes. Many third world cess pits would assume the Geneva Convention is a Swiss carnival and talkfest to exchange Cultural whimsies and to swap local food recipes.

A lot has changed since 1811 or even 1911. For instance in the interim we lost our constitution and are slowly losing our identity and have had to fight tooth and claw in court for recognition that we ARE the ethnic race indigenous to this country. As an aside, as once boasting the greatest navy in the world we do not even possess an Aircraft Carrier.

This census might be one the like we have never known before. The government have no idea how many illegal swarthy natives from the dark continents reside in OUR country. The census will not reveal this either. If say there are 20 illegal Somalis or Pakistanis living in one house when the census collector calls, the word will travel fast they will be through the attic trap door like rats up a drainpipe and like rodents sit deathly quiet, line abreast on the rafters, eyes glinting in the half light, not unlike Swallows sitting on a telephone wire before heading South to warmer climes.

In this census the Socialist regime might also like to know if English is your first language or one of 253 others. This information might give them some idea how many non-English people live in OUR country. In the 1811 and 1911 census a person’s religion was not asked for but they were asked if they spoke Welsh or Irish besides English.

Without dwelling on trivialities, they only need to ask the same questions asked in the 1811 and 1911 census. If ones religion is required, just write Pagan, or Moon worshipper. They have to prove you are not telling the truth, a difficult thing to do if they are not up all night and present when you are baying at the moon.

 If they want to know your first language tell them that in the UK as far as you are concerned there is only one first language and it is by co-incidence the second, third and fourth and it is ENGLISH you can add you cannot speak on behalf of all the millions of non-English invaders infesting our country and who are only residing temporarily in OUR country. 

So please remember when filing out your census form all you need to give is your name, your age, your sex and your relationship, occupation with the other people at the address. NOTHING ELSE!!!! Any other questions other than asked on the 1911 census treat with great suspicion.(written 2011)