There
has been a great deal of unwarranted negative criticism of the European
Union regarding the criminal wastage of European taxpayer’s money. It
was not so much the negative criticism triggered by the auditors
refusing to sign off on the EU’s budget for the last 18 consecutive
years through suspected fraud or even the European occupied counties
having their paper currencies exchanged for smaller and less colourful
notes, or the British having to surrender their black passports embossed
with a Silver Lion and a Unicorn rampant “requiring in the name of
her Britannic Majesty to allow the bearer to pass without hindrance and
to afford the bearer such assistance” blah blah blah and replaced with a
nondescript sort of puce one also available to the rest of world who
would like to call England home.
A visiting African despotic
dictator wanted for crimes against humanity noted a large painting on
the wall of the reception area in the European Parliament building in
Brussels depicting a stylised picture of a family of primary coloured
Moor Hens swimming in the middle of an ever decreasing, or increasing
concentric circles depending on the observers point view, on a Dandelion
yellow pond.
The African despotic dictator I refer to asked the
name of the artist as he would want to commission a similar painting
for one of his many palaces. He was told the artist was the second
cousin twice removed of the European Arts and Sciences minister and has
been painting now for at least six months. The reputed price of said
painting was 20 Million Euros. The be-ribboned uniformed African
gentleman grinning from ear to ear asked mischievously if it was a
painting by numbers job.
He was also very impressed with the
Water Feature in the foyer depicting Aphrodite wearing a diaphanous gown
squirting water out of a trumpet looking thing surrounded by Angels
with a Lions at her feet. When asked about the significance of the Lions
he was informed they were not aware they had any significance, it was
just the Sculptor had some marble left over.
Then there was that
ring thing like an enormous Badgers Sett that tunnelled under half of
southern Europe. Its purpose was to discover the origins of Earth, or
was it Jupiter? The Hadron Collider which every school child knows
detects Higgs Boson. They had already been warned there was a
possibility that hurling molecules or was it atoms around at the speed
of light could have disastrous consequences for a science that had not
been proved or tested and worse still could take out in a blink of an
eye most of Southern France, Switzerland and possibly Andorra.
With
much pomp and Gallic/Germanic scientific pride resting on this huge
scientific event at switch-on an incident that later became known as the
2008 Quench Incident the Hadron Collider vaporised a Chinese made
double pole double throw switch which in tandem took out what was
thought to be a slow blow fuse rated at 10 amps resulting in the dimming
of most of the lights in southern Europe and causing underground
tremors in Turkey ……. Not many people know that.
Later
investigation found that a unqualified Polish sub-contractor in the
absence of a 10 Amp fuse had employed the use of a 1 inch diameter
Stainless Steel, round head six inch long Whitworth bolt which happened to be
lying around which he substituted in the absence of a 10 amp slow blow
fuse. The S/S bolts rating, if it had a rating at all was estimated at
around twenty two and a half million Amps or more and would have also
failed a trade ‘slow blow’ certificate of authentication.
It does
not end there I am afraid. When Croatia became the newest member of the
European community its National flag was hoisted with much fanfare and
ceremony but later it was discovered another Polish contractor had
inadvertently hoisted a marine distress flag in its place signalling “I
am abandoning my vessel and requesting assistance”. Why the Croat
consular officials did not twig this anomaly have me totally baffled, I
suspect too much Cherry Brandy was consumed in the Commissions canteen
‘All
characters or events appearing in this article are fictitious. Any
resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.’