Wednesday, 2 November 2016

The Wedding Party Principle

The Wedding Party Principle.

There have been times in the past when my wife who had been endeavouring to sleep ignores my attempts to discuss the basic flaws I have discovered in Einstein’s theory of Relativity. I explain to her it is not that I disagree with his theory per se and yes I am in agreement with him that it does hold true on this nondescript planet in an outer whorl of a Galaxy in a backwater of one of an unknown number of universes but it does not necessarily hold true everywhere else. I do not get a lot of feedback from my wife in fact I would even go as far as to say I have been met with downright hostility.

Talking about theories not many people have heard of the “Wedding Party Principal” either or the Georgia Guide-stones which I will come to shortly which will then take me seamlessly on to tins of Spaghetti and Baked beans.

My wife is a cavalier of chance. When she explains to me how she is going to spend her Lotto winnings, I explain to her the “Wedding Party Principle”

It goes like this. My wife is getting married and has invited 8,000,000 or so of her relatives, workmates and Facebook friends to the wedding, oh and her sister Beverly. During the festivities Beverly who is still single at aged 69 is in the middle of these guests when tradition demands the bride tosses the bridal bouquet over her head into the crowd. Beverley is hoping to catch the bouquet as it could be her last chance of happiness, matrimony and motherhood.

Beverley stretches valiantly for the posy as it flies tantalisingly close but not close enough as the bouquet disappears toward other 4,000,000 million or so guests at the back of the hall all jostling to catch this floral tribute.

It is not by coincidence the odds of my wife’s sister Beverly catching the bridal spray are exactly the same odds my wife has of winning the Lotto.

Now this was the principle I was discussing with my wife while we were wandering aimlessly around the supermarket being subjected to an infernal racket masquerading as music. We paused at the Pasta section where I offered to lift my wife up whom being small in stature was unable to reach the top shelf to retrieve two tins of discounted baked beans and spaghetti, discounted due to their being past their use-by date. I could not help noticing a young lady scavenging at my feet like a Beaver laying the foundations of her dam, or was it a Badger building her Sett?

Doesn’t matter. She had a stroller filled with a young child with tattoos covering her arms; No, no the tattoos covered lady’s arms not the child’s, the price of the tattoos would have fed a Third World child for a number of years, maybe more.

As I was In charge of the shopping trolley I had time to ruminate over this. As we moved on and headed for the brown sugar section I put it to my wife in this world of Apps if say a lady of the night were to have a bar code tattooed on her arm and one was to download a special Apps on their mobile phone then all a prospective client need do is to swipe the ladies arm with a mobile phone to get a price on her favours, he has no need even speak to her. My wife’s eyes briefly closed, she sniffed as she inquired “what’s yer point?”

“Well think about it for heaven’s sake” I replied “it’s a win, win thing; it saves time in patronising, pointless dialogue which in turn would cut into a client’s valuable time to indulge in a productive endless variety of recreational sexual activities, do you follow me? “

I paused and looked at my wife, I have to admit I was certainly not expecting a massive reaction like a English Premier League footballer might expect on scoring a goal, pleading for God-like exaltation from the adoring crowd by taking off his shirt sliding on his knees, arms outstretched like the statue of Jesus atop the mountain of Corcovado pleading for deity-like adoration from a hysterical manic crowd, resplendent in their woolly hats and scarves emblazoned in their teams colours, waving little buntings, writhing and rolling like disturbed breaking waves on a deserted beach. ……..iss good innit.

Instead my wife’s eyes glazed over and she looked at me vacantly, shook her head and walked on, confirmation which cements my belief that if two people are in love and have absolutely nothing in common they already possess the basic fundamental building blocks for a long and happy marriage.

At this point some of you might ask what’s has this got to do with world politics. Well frankly nothing but it would IF when putting the tins of spaghetti into the trolley my wife and I were to discuss Merkel’s handling of the German economy, Boko Harams disgusting forays in Northern Nigeria, Berlusconi’s latest girl friend or friends, the illuminati, Bilderbergers or the worlds looming food shortage it might have brought me to the subject of culling the world’s population. Stay with me on this one!

I asked my wife if she had heard of the Georgia Guide-stones, she said she hadn’t……. I sometimes wonder why I even bother.

Google tells me that the World Population in 1900 was 1,650,000,000. In the year 2000 it was 6,122,770,000 and by the year 2100 it will be 10,124 926,000. For Europe in 1900 its population was 408,000,000 in 2000 it was 726,777,000. By 2050 that figure is expected to reach 2.8 Billion a figure that might interest you if you are one of these people.

Anyway back to the Georgia Guide-stones. It is a granite monument much like an enormous monolith but much smaller. It appeared in 1979, strangely enough in a field in Georgia USA. No-one is sure who was responsible for this erection but a cryptic message might give one a clue, it reads Sponsors: A small group of Americans who seek the Age of Reason.

There are a set of TEN guidelines or principles engraved onto the stone. I was a little concerned if one of these sponsors might be a Mr Rothschild because he has publicly ‘reasoned’ in the past that 500,000,000 people is an ideal number to continue to sustain life on this planet and he usually gets what he wants, he has a lot of influence and clout.

The ten guidelines or principles are engraved in English, Spanish, Swahili, Hindi, Arabic, Chinese and Russian. A shorter message is inscribed at the top of the structure in four ancient languages’ scripts: Babylonian, Classical Greek, Sanskrit, and Egyptian hieroglyphs. The world’s population on Monday @ 2219 pm on the 30th June of this year puts the world’s population clock, with the last three figures changing like a crazy stopwatch every second as 7,475,926,690.

Thus according to the Guide-stones and a quick cross mental calculation puts the world population as being over-populated by 6,675,926,690. Now I suspect this mysterious heap of granite, this American Stonehenge heralds an omen, no a dire warning. I am keeping my fingers crossed I am not one of the millions of souls destined for the cull list because I am not all that old

James Albion., Author of many books, many that have not been published……..yet.
The London Times waxed lyrical pointing out ‘The Wedding Party Principle’ is an example of the finest writing yet to come from the pen of Mr. James Albion and described Albion's new novel as soul-searching and poignant; and a ‘statement of the times’.

In contrast the Guardian literary critic Baker Walker-Brown described Mr Albion's work as utter drivel; he added “quite frankly I cannot see a vast difference in the discourse from his first novel ‘The Awakening’

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