Monday, 19 January 2015

News from the Palace

News from the Palace

You will absolutely thrilled to know that Mr. Stephen Fry has “married” his “fiancé” Elliott Spencer, I know I was, after announcing the completed nuptials on Twitter. Fry had been “dating” Mr Elliot since last summer, and the news of their “engagement” came to light after a report in the Daily Mail. Stephen told fans he was “very, very happy” to announce his “engagement” to the comedian Elliott Spencer despite having hoped for a private “wedding”

Rumour has it that Mr Fry’s new “wife” said unfortunately he is unable to have children at this present time but plans are under way to purchase a small child from Mali or from the Chad Republic if they can get an import licence.

I tried to imagine Mr Fry and Mr Elton John and their male wives being invited by the Queen to an evening of delightful intelligent, conversation, drinks and maybe dancing at Buckingham Palace and how the conversation would flow if the Queen broached the tricky subject of the consummation of one’s marriage. I did not tell my wife of this particular flight of fancy as she would lock me out of the bedroom or call the police……. or both.

Someone tell me I am not going mad. Have I entered the twilight zone? Have I gone through the Portal, the Gateway? No? Then have I found myself in a time warp and am now in another dimension? Could future couples be faced with the problem of whether or not to marry their sisters, brothers or mothers, a ”life style” that my mother did not have to grapple with.

Mr Fry is a well-known raconteur, quiz show host and presenter with the BBC.

Oh No, Not them again. Wasn’t Jimmy Saville and Rolf Harris …….alright, alright there is no need to go there.

My wife has confided in me a number of times that she finds my imagination quite “disturbing” The last time it was triggered was when I suggested the following plots for a couple of novels or films.

The first plot, there is a news break that Malaysia airliner MH 370 has made a surprise and unannounced landing at Beijing airport. None of the passengers or crew is aware anything untoward has happened to them or that they have been missing. I hinted to my wife of Time Warps; crossing dimensions even travelling through multiple universes faster than the speed of light, even worm holes.

It was always going to be difficult as I told my friend for starters my wife does not fantasise, bless 'er

Fantasy and imagination are bedfellows. She admitted to me once she could only visualise 5 shades of grey.  I suggested to my wife that she completes the MH 370 story. It is the second plot she found disquieting or was that disturbing?

BBC Bush House Kingsway is being demolished to make way for the world’s largest Twin Mosque, one for men and a Gold Class Mosque for women. During demolition workmen find 2 miles of tunnels under Bush House with corridors, dungeons and sacrificial altars complete with chains and leather straps and other things I would rather not write about.

I posed the idea it could have been a disused BBC sports and social club premises, but she poohed poohed that idea, she was right there was no table tennis tables. I persevered and suggested the tunnel system may have been leased to a secret Pagan society, a spin-off of Freemasonry or perhaps ANTIFA’S bolt-hole when the police are looking for bail dodgers.

Archaeologists are not sure if the tunnels are of Pre-Cambrian times or of a much later date as a 1954 Daily Mirror newspaper, a thermos flask, a John Laing Duffel coat and a half-finished crossword were found and graffiti declaring “I love Esther Ransome” were found carved onto a cell wall. It would not be the 2 miles of tunnels and caves that would test my credibility because if the BBC were involved using taxpayers money I suspect the figure would be much closer to 22 miles of tunnels.

There is a man on the Internet who believes we are all just Holograms and he seems to know what he is talking about……. well apart from the suggestion that the Royal Family are in fact lizard people which might be true until proven otherwise.

He talks a lot about perception and conception a subject Mrs Fry and Mrs John will not be discussing with the Queen any time soon which is a shame.

 Babies are the flavour of the month at the palace.