Thursday, 4 June 2015

Rhonda and the Gardner


"Come in Miss Appleton keeping well, please take a chair. I see BBC Drama have sent you over for initial discussions re your book”

“Yes, that’s right”

“I understand they intend adapting your children’s book as a TV Series. What’s the title of the book”? 


“Rhonda and the Gardner”

“Yes, Rhonda and the Gardner; now I believe it is set in the 1930’s, is that right”?


“Yes, the story is set in a very expensive boarding school for genteel young ladies, from well to do privileged families whose allegiance is to England, the flag, the English way of life, its traditions, customs, history, the King and the empire…......... well when we used to have an empire that is” 


“Right! First off I can already foresee a small problem here”

“In what way”?


“Well we are obliged to use black children in the production”

“But hang on; this is set in the 1930’s in a small English seaside village. I hadn’t included any black children, because there weren’t any” 


“Be that as it may, but we will still have to include 4 Caribbean’s and two Asians”


“But that will kill the authenticity of the whole story”

“Sorry BBC policy, 4 Caribs and two Asians”

“Now Simon, I am not a racist but…......” 


''Let me interrupt you there Miss Appleton, none of us are racists but…that’s the rule"


“Now look here treasure, I don’t want to appear flippant, but by the same token the Headmaster in my story might just as well be a stark naked Papuan Elder wearing exotic bird feathers with a bone through his nose and sporting a penis sheath for Christs sake” 


“That’s very true Miss Appleton, and that is certainly a possibility that I and the program people cannot rule out and most certainly will explore at a later date” 


“You are making a complete mockery of my whole story”

“Well as a conciliatory gesture let us see if we can meet you half way here, as a small compromise what if we change the location of the school to Birmingham set it in the 21st century in a government school, and then we can easily accommodate hundreds of kids of color”? 


“You are totally mad. Haven't you read my book”?


"Well I am sorry Miss Appleton, love to help you, but if we can’t insert a half a dozen of kids of color it can't go to air simple as that... BBC policy"