Saturday, 19 January 2013

Sharia Law and the Bull mastiff

Sharia Law and the Bull Mastiff

1984 was going to be momentous year or at least the beginnings of momentous times but in fact turned it out to be a complete fizzer. Going by what I have heard these momentous times have now been moved forward to 2050. How George Orwell got it so wrong beggars’ belief.

So what did happen in 1984, well not a lot? Bob Geldorf and Bandaid released their record “Do they know it’s Christmas’ which I thought was rather cruel as what was most uppermost In those starving Ethiopian people minds was not so much when Santa and his reindeer might arrive but rather where was their next meal coming from, but as a millionaire and a Lord-in-waiting I can understand Bob not thinking this one through, and his stupid mate Bono wouldn’t have had a clue anyway.

What other momentous happenings occurred in 1984? Oh Yes, Michael Jackson’s hair caught fire during the shooting of a Pepsi commercial. I would have preferred to have read his hair caught fire during the shooting of Michael Jackson, but life is riddled with disappointments. I think there was only one other major world event during 1984 that was of any importance and that was the discovery of nude photos found of Vanessa Williams the current Miss America , as a result she was forced from her throne. When one has seen 55,602 bare breasts one can say with all confidence they have seen them all. I forget who it was who said that, perhaps it was me.

In hindsight If George had known all this was to happen in 1984 how different would his book have been, quite boring I think?

So what is the significance of 2050? I am glad you ask me that otherwise or I would have had to turn off my Pee Cee and take my wife down to the shops, it’s the mundane things in life by which I get side-tracked. She is after some cheap mince for tea, mince that’s been marked down because it is past its use-by date.

I hate going to the shops with her, I get these uncomfortable feelings when women eye me up, not as a prospective date but rather to see if I am wearing a tracking device whilst I am loitering outside the woman’s changing rooms waiting for my wife who is inside the cubicle trying on cheap ill-fitting dresses made in China.

Now back to 2050 or is it forward? It is the year I have been informed I am to find myself in a minority grouping. No I am not ginger haired, but I am heterosexual. The good news is that heterosexuals will still be in the majority in 2050 regardless what we are told by the Liberal sociologist and despite the intense pride we are told is felt by being a Homo-thingy.

2050 is the year of the ascendance of Islam throughout the UK and Europe which will place me, my wife and all my friends and even my wife’s best friends in a minority grouping. I would like to help and I have tried pulling my weight here, but I have to admit I cannot keep up with those strange dark desert peoples breeding rates and I am getting little or no cooperation from the wife in that department.

They say the breeding rates of these dark desert people is on average 5 children per family, where for the indigenous folk it is more like 1.5. Strange figure that, does that mean one has .5 of a sister or brother? Maybe that’s what they mean when they refer to a half-brother.

If by 2050 the dangers I am being fore-warned about come true, then it follows that I and my wife will be governed under Sharia Law. I do not know a great deal about Sharia Law other than the sexual bits. I will be too old to commit adultery so I am comparatively safe, but this is not true for all beings, let me explain.

Two news stories surfaced this week but by the time this article hits the news- stands it would have been last week. First a man was arrested for having sex with his 13 year old daughter, he told her he would commit suicide if she did not agree, if I had been her I would have called his bluff and challenged “OK dad prove it” but she didn’t. The other story was a about man that was charged with having sex with his neighbours Female Bull Mastiff, I kid you not. Let us move these events forward to 2050.

You all know where I am going with this don’t you? Under Sharia Law will the 13 year old girl get stoned for her unwelcomed sexual violation resulting from the incest by her father? I suspect he will walk away as a free man as the girl has to find 4 males who witnessed the incest and I am sure dad did not invite all his friends round for the evening to watch the event. So I guess there is a good chance she will be stoned.

We will call the Bull Mastiff Brenda for the sake of anonymity, it is her I am most concerned about. As was the incest case it was not a consensual or even welcomed. It might well be the case the female Bull Mastiff was just minding her own business, luxuriating in the late afternoon sun, eyes half closed, unaware of the danger looming and quite possibly even sporting an air of complacency when she receives something other than a ball to chase

So under Sharia law what sentence can the Bull Mastiff expect? Again no doubt the man will walk away without a stain on his character as there was only one witness to the attack the owner of the dog, but the dog will be left with a stain on its character or is that its reputation, never mind. So I guess Brenda the Bull Mastiff will either be stoned or hung………………….. Allahu Akbar or Beam me up Mohammed!