BBC QUESTION TIME
BBC question time has the unique honour of welcoming
Mr. Nick Griffin Leader of the British National Party after the party’s
success in recent elections including the European Election where they
now have two representatives in Brussels.
Please allow me to introduce the rest of the panel Mr Greg Dyke ex- director of the BBC and Mr Gerry Gable spokesman for the UAF.
Before we commence with the programme Mr Pyke I would like to put this question to you if I may.
It’s Dyke.
I do beg your pardon. As a Director General of the BBC back in 2004 you referred to your work colleagues as being hideously white. Can you erm….er......excuse me, Mr Dyke why have you got your face all blackened up like a Black and White Minstrel?
Well it’s a long story.
Can you tell the viewers a little more about the hideously white comment?
I remember it as if it were only yesterday. We had just televised the European Song Contest and I was feeling a little down in the mouth as we have just been pipped into 22nd place by Uzbekistan who beat us with their yodeling trio.
I was not aware there were any yodellers in Uzbekistan
.Yes, well neither did the judging panel. Anyway on returning home I passed the mirror in the hallway and was appalled and horrified by the apparition I was seeing in the mirror. I cried out in pain I was as white as a ghost, well not a real ghost, but someone masquerading as a ghost. I was whiter than a politician caught with a second mortgage being paid off by the tax payers, or a councillor caught with his trousers down in a public toilet.
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and my skin began to crawl. Needless to say I had a very disturbed sleep. On arrival at Television House the next morning and walking through the News and Current Affairs Department to my office I paused in my step, turned and was horrified to see my hideously white subordinates milling about. I felt sick to the stomach and dashed, like a man demented, for the cloakroom but unfortunately didn’t quite make it and threw up all over the cleaning lady.
I am sorry Mr Tyke.
It’s Dyke for Christ’s sake.
Anyway I was not as sorry as the cleaning lady believe me. (sniggers) Well the BBC workplace health and safety sent me to a specialist who deals with this sort of thing.
Is he a doctor?
Oh, Indeed he is. I saw many degrees and diplomas hanging on the wall behind him. There was an impressive one awarding him a fellowship of the Royal College of Neurosurgeons from Lagos University in Nigeria, there was another from Degrees Я Us from an Internet college, and a Honours degree from a correspondence school in Islamabad for Motor cycle maintenance.
What is the Doctors name?
Zahir Chakrabti
Is he from Bradford?
No, no he's from Bangladesh
What was his diagnosis?
Well he suggested I should blacken my face.
Did that fix your fixation, so to speak (sniggers)?
Indeed it did. My life changed dramatically. Recently I was offered a 7 bedroom accommodation, I was then asked had I put my name down for free driving lessons, would I like a job in a government department and was I receiving the correct benefits.
I even rang the Guardian newspaper where previously I had received numerous knock-backs for high flying positions. In the past a girl would ask me my ethnicity and my colour. When I told her I was white she would say sorry but the application closed 2 minutes ago. She assured me it wasn’t a racist thing it’s just that I was white. Now when I tell them I am black they ask what salary would I be happy with and when could I start. For the first time in my life I felt I was not being excluded from this inclusiveness we all enjoy if you understand me.
Thank you Mr Kike
It’s Dyke! you freaking deaf b#%@&d.
Now Mr Larry Beagle you are the spokesman for the UAF are you not.
It’s Jerry Gable, and yes I am their representative.
Now the UAF is not a political party as such and has often been accused of being a party of thugs how do you answer that?
Yes we can be described as a pressure group. We have been given this brief by the government, who supply some of our funding including MI5 and charity organizations.
Mr Bleagle I believe you were sprung doing a burglary job for MI5.
Christ, I'd rather not talk about that if you don't mind.
Our brief is to disrupt all BNP activities, we have some very influential supporters including Mr David Cameron Leader of the Conservative party and most of the hierarchy of the trade unions and the full backing of the Communist Party of Great Britain. You will find a list of our supporters on our internet site. We have no members as such but the number of our supporters is now approaching double figures.
How do you apply this pressure you speak of Mr Bagel?
It’s Gable, we apply pressure with claw hammers.
Isn’t that somewhat undemocratic Mr Bugle?
You are not listening Mr Dimbleby the name is Gable, anyway it wasn’t me that wielded the claw hammer it was a black fella, he ran off.
Mr Flugle you are Jewish are you not?
What’s yer point? Yes I am Jewish.
I ask the question because didn’t the Nazis intimidate and violently threaten their opponents? Isn’t this Fascist behaviour exactly what your thuggish group are doing?
That is neither here nor there. Fact is they are Narnsies, the BNP are Narnsies, Prince Philip is a Narnsy, fact is everyone is a Friggin Narnsy.
For Christs sake Weyman, quick get an ambulance, its Gable, he's hallucinating again, the morphine's wearing off.
Now Mr Griffin you must understand I have to play the devils advocate here.Your critics accuse the BNP of being a racist party how do you answer that?
Well Mr BumbleBee it’s like this.
It’s Dimbleby!
Sorry, I do beg you pardon.
Just one moment Mr Griffin.
Mr Pike why are you crying?
I am feeling melancholy.
Floor manager will you sit with Mr Pike and hold his hand, better still put your arm around his shoulders? He obviously craves human contact.
Control room, Simon treasure, can you hear me? We are going to have to so some serious editing of this programme.
Now where was I?
Now Mr Griffin do you or do you not welcome Black Africans and swarthy Moslems into your party?
Indeed we do the only stipulation we make is we require the subscription fee to be paid in Pounds Sterling. As the rate of exchange is something like 500 million Rupees to the pound and something worse with Zimbabwean Dollars we refuse to wheel a barrow load of worthless paper down to the bank.
What about blacks in your party.
Well to show our goodwill we will immediately welcome Mr Greg Dyke into our party.
But he is white.
No he isn’t Mr Dumblebum, for heavens sake he is as black as the ace of spades look at him, pathetic creature.
It’s Dimbleby for Christs sake!
Now look here I have just about had enough of this. It’s developed into an effing farce. I refuse to be humiliated like this. You can stuff this freakin' programme up your proverbial. I suggest if you want someone to host this friggin programme you get that freakin' idiot that does Top Gear, whatsisname? He can host this heap of s**t in between smashing up cars.
David treasure this is Simon, where are you going, we must finish recording the program.
Well you can all get buggered. I’m off to South Africa. I’m going to bloody cuddle gorillas and photograph freakin' animals like what Dickie Attenborough does.
Please allow me to introduce the rest of the panel Mr Greg Dyke ex- director of the BBC and Mr Gerry Gable spokesman for the UAF.
Before we commence with the programme Mr Pyke I would like to put this question to you if I may.
It’s Dyke.
I do beg your pardon. As a Director General of the BBC back in 2004 you referred to your work colleagues as being hideously white. Can you erm….er......excuse me, Mr Dyke why have you got your face all blackened up like a Black and White Minstrel?
Well it’s a long story.
Can you tell the viewers a little more about the hideously white comment?
I remember it as if it were only yesterday. We had just televised the European Song Contest and I was feeling a little down in the mouth as we have just been pipped into 22nd place by Uzbekistan who beat us with their yodeling trio.
I was not aware there were any yodellers in Uzbekistan
.Yes, well neither did the judging panel. Anyway on returning home I passed the mirror in the hallway and was appalled and horrified by the apparition I was seeing in the mirror. I cried out in pain I was as white as a ghost, well not a real ghost, but someone masquerading as a ghost. I was whiter than a politician caught with a second mortgage being paid off by the tax payers, or a councillor caught with his trousers down in a public toilet.
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and my skin began to crawl. Needless to say I had a very disturbed sleep. On arrival at Television House the next morning and walking through the News and Current Affairs Department to my office I paused in my step, turned and was horrified to see my hideously white subordinates milling about. I felt sick to the stomach and dashed, like a man demented, for the cloakroom but unfortunately didn’t quite make it and threw up all over the cleaning lady.
I am sorry Mr Tyke.
It’s Dyke for Christ’s sake.
Anyway I was not as sorry as the cleaning lady believe me. (sniggers) Well the BBC workplace health and safety sent me to a specialist who deals with this sort of thing.
Is he a doctor?
Oh, Indeed he is. I saw many degrees and diplomas hanging on the wall behind him. There was an impressive one awarding him a fellowship of the Royal College of Neurosurgeons from Lagos University in Nigeria, there was another from Degrees Я Us from an Internet college, and a Honours degree from a correspondence school in Islamabad for Motor cycle maintenance.
What is the Doctors name?
Zahir Chakrabti
Is he from Bradford?
No, no he's from Bangladesh
What was his diagnosis?
Well he suggested I should blacken my face.
Did that fix your fixation, so to speak (sniggers)?
Indeed it did. My life changed dramatically. Recently I was offered a 7 bedroom accommodation, I was then asked had I put my name down for free driving lessons, would I like a job in a government department and was I receiving the correct benefits.
I even rang the Guardian newspaper where previously I had received numerous knock-backs for high flying positions. In the past a girl would ask me my ethnicity and my colour. When I told her I was white she would say sorry but the application closed 2 minutes ago. She assured me it wasn’t a racist thing it’s just that I was white. Now when I tell them I am black they ask what salary would I be happy with and when could I start. For the first time in my life I felt I was not being excluded from this inclusiveness we all enjoy if you understand me.
Thank you Mr Kike
It’s Dyke! you freaking deaf b#%@&d.
Now Mr Larry Beagle you are the spokesman for the UAF are you not.
It’s Jerry Gable, and yes I am their representative.
Now the UAF is not a political party as such and has often been accused of being a party of thugs how do you answer that?
Yes we can be described as a pressure group. We have been given this brief by the government, who supply some of our funding including MI5 and charity organizations.
Mr Bleagle I believe you were sprung doing a burglary job for MI5.
Christ, I'd rather not talk about that if you don't mind.
Our brief is to disrupt all BNP activities, we have some very influential supporters including Mr David Cameron Leader of the Conservative party and most of the hierarchy of the trade unions and the full backing of the Communist Party of Great Britain. You will find a list of our supporters on our internet site. We have no members as such but the number of our supporters is now approaching double figures.
How do you apply this pressure you speak of Mr Bagel?
It’s Gable, we apply pressure with claw hammers.
Isn’t that somewhat undemocratic Mr Bugle?
You are not listening Mr Dimbleby the name is Gable, anyway it wasn’t me that wielded the claw hammer it was a black fella, he ran off.
Mr Flugle you are Jewish are you not?
What’s yer point? Yes I am Jewish.
I ask the question because didn’t the Nazis intimidate and violently threaten their opponents? Isn’t this Fascist behaviour exactly what your thuggish group are doing?
That is neither here nor there. Fact is they are Narnsies, the BNP are Narnsies, Prince Philip is a Narnsy, fact is everyone is a Friggin Narnsy.
For Christs sake Weyman, quick get an ambulance, its Gable, he's hallucinating again, the morphine's wearing off.
Now Mr Griffin you must understand I have to play the devils advocate here.Your critics accuse the BNP of being a racist party how do you answer that?
Well Mr BumbleBee it’s like this.
It’s Dimbleby!
Sorry, I do beg you pardon.
Just one moment Mr Griffin.
Mr Pike why are you crying?
I am feeling melancholy.
Floor manager will you sit with Mr Pike and hold his hand, better still put your arm around his shoulders? He obviously craves human contact.
Control room, Simon treasure, can you hear me? We are going to have to so some serious editing of this programme.
Now where was I?
Now Mr Griffin do you or do you not welcome Black Africans and swarthy Moslems into your party?
Indeed we do the only stipulation we make is we require the subscription fee to be paid in Pounds Sterling. As the rate of exchange is something like 500 million Rupees to the pound and something worse with Zimbabwean Dollars we refuse to wheel a barrow load of worthless paper down to the bank.
What about blacks in your party.
Well to show our goodwill we will immediately welcome Mr Greg Dyke into our party.
But he is white.
No he isn’t Mr Dumblebum, for heavens sake he is as black as the ace of spades look at him, pathetic creature.
It’s Dimbleby for Christs sake!
Now look here I have just about had enough of this. It’s developed into an effing farce. I refuse to be humiliated like this. You can stuff this freakin' programme up your proverbial. I suggest if you want someone to host this friggin programme you get that freakin' idiot that does Top Gear, whatsisname? He can host this heap of s**t in between smashing up cars.
David treasure this is Simon, where are you going, we must finish recording the program.
Well you can all get buggered. I’m off to South Africa. I’m going to bloody cuddle gorillas and photograph freakin' animals like what Dickie Attenborough does.
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