Tuesday, 23 October 2012



Christmas is a time for us to pause and think of our gallant soldiers that are laying down their lives in foreign lands. This world is not always an easy or a safe place to live in, but it is the only place we have. I believe also that it has shown us all how our faith - whatever our religion - can inspire us to work together in friendship and peace for the sake of our own and future generations. It is also a time for reflection of events over the past years.

It was only last week I was talking to a Mr. Ali G in his green, Fleur-de-lis wall-papered council flat in the Staines ghetto, as he pointed out to me that Staines, along with Bradford and Peterborough, were three of the worlds dangerous hot spots, including our capital city of course, and much of our vast, sprawling northern black tribal homelands and he quite rightly pointed out to me that it was imperative that we bring our soldiers home to protect our own people.

The dangers were never more apparent to me than in my own backyard to see little brown people rioting outside of my garden window at Windsor Castle right next door to our Islamic prayer room.

If my memory serves me right, I also mentioned in my 2003 Christmas message to my people that we all have very good reasons for feeling proud of our service men and women’s achievements – both in war, and as they build a lasting peace in troubled hot spots across the globe.

In retrospect, I regret to say that what we have seen in reality is not so much a lasting peace, as a lasting war.

I recently summoned my Prime minister, a Mr. Gordon Brown to the palace and I ordered him to explain why he continually lies to me at our daily briefings, I pointed out to him that he and his political party were directly responsible for f *****g my once great country up. His predecessor Mr Bliar was a little ferret of a man; a weasel. I had previously pointed out to this nasty little piece of grinning bacteria in no uncertain terms, that 2008, like 2004 was yet another of the Anus Horribilus years of my reign.

Mr. Ali G also pointed out to me, and here if I may, I would like to attempt to quote verbatim; “ere, listen up, de peoples of Staines including de members of me own gang in de West Staines massive, we daily accept de racialist abuse, even in de local skool, de Maffew Arnold skool. I iz not a racialist madam, and I iz not one of dem Nationalist rednecks dat call for dah repatriation of deez peoples, but I rarva fink vat we shud be allowed keep dem peoples as common slaves”.

Be that as it may; you may remember, it was in my 2004 Christmas message I endeavored to curry flavour, I do beg your pardon, curry favour with the Islamic faith and to tempt my own fair people to warmly embrace to their bosoms the rich texture and cultured harmony of a myriad of these gentle peoples of colour. To all join together as one to participate in this joyous celebration, to accept and immerse ourselves totally in an unwavering, hypnotic, heady and uncontrolled frenzy of forced multiculturism, to wallow unashamedly in a bacchanalian-like orgy of life in a carefree, trance-like, stupefying haze of a spiraling dizzy diversity.

I clearly recollect stating there was no reason why people from all cultural backgrounds cannot live together in total peace and harmony. So you must understand how disturbed and appalled I was on the morning of July 7th 2005 when on sitting down to breakfast and being informed that these little brown alien creatures had exited their Mosques and Minarets and were indiscriminately and with malice aforethought, hell bent on blowing my citizens to pieces.

I was not amused, and I humbly confess that in the past my naïve misguided views on forced Multi Culti and my unfortunate royal assent to this agonizingly slow, unwanted, destructive, and forcibly imposed cultural diversity on my people that is now tearing my country apart, was not only ill thought out, but dangerously irrational. I apologize unreservedly to my own fair native people for my imprudent shortsightedness.

I would like to finish on a lighter note if I may. I am nevertheless reluctant to remind you that it was my husband that in the past has made the odd indiscrete gaffe about ‘slitty eyed chinks’ and ‘work-shy Indians’ and warned that the British way of life and fair play could be threatened at any moment by the actions of extremists. I must admit at the time I was a little apprehensive, even somewhat in awe of Phillips comments and I was not totally convinced. However, in the interim my husband’s misgivings tragically, have been realized.

I am sure you are well aware that my son Charles, much to Camilla’s distress, has demonstrated a penchant for talking to flowers, hugging trees and things, but just because he has spawned an interest in converting to Islam it does not necessarily make de throne, I do beg your pardon, the throne, any less secure.

I trust that my fair island people of the Christian faith can draw strength and inspiration from the words of the now familiar prayer:

‘Oh stanz de church clok at ten to three, an iz dah honey still for tea?’

A happy Christmas to you all……….Elizabeth R…………………………..