Monday, 29 October 2012

EU has been placed in receivership.


EU has been placed in receivership.
I see the EU has been placed in receivership.

You’re kidding!

I most certainly am not. I fully understand your reluctance to give any credence to this information as I have in the past been accused of resorting to childish exaggeration.

What caused it?

Well you see it’s complicated. You can liken it to the American financial crash with Fannie Mae, Lehman Brothers, Bear Sterns and Freddie Mac imploding.

Don’t see it, what’s the comparison?

Well much of the EU member countries tax payer’s money disappeared as swiftly as a UK politician ducking for cover when being questioned about abuse of expenses and second house mortgages, or caught with his trousers down by his ankles in a public toilet for no good reason. The financial breakdown was further exacerbated as a result of MEP’s awarding themselves huge salaries in the 6 figure range and expenses that would keep a dozen pensioners fed for hundreds of years.

They spent millions on first class air travel home and spent lavishly on 5 star hotels. They gave millions of Euro’s to third world countries, like Moldova, Slovakia, Romania and are building a massive underground rail system, and an international airport at Riga. Plans are already in operation to implement a space programme for Latvia.

I have it on good authority the European Particle accelerator which so far cost $790 million blew a fuse on switch-on and hasn’t worked since. So any handy person out there; well what a golden opportunity!

This reckless spending resulted in turning these poor countries into first world countries, and at the same time buggered up the finances of the first world member countries who in turn paid the bulk of the membership fees. Oh and a number of the EU's most senior ministers have hurriedly fled into exile to Argentina.

Have any assets been confiscated?

Well if you are quick there is a sale of EU commission limousines, some office furniture and stacks of flag poles and nondescript flags that flew outside of the EU Commission building, and a hideous water feature that stands near the main entrance.

I think there might even be a statue of Nelson Mandela too.

Oh and a primitif painting of a duck floating on a yellow pond hanging in the main foyer reputedly costing 20 Million Euro’s.

Other strange things are happening. Brussels itself is going broke; few planes are arriving into the country so the airport authorities have opened up the old WW2 grass airstrip off the main runway and the Belgium government have resorted to using its aging fleet of Dakotas for international flights. NATO, the BBC EU Liaison department and Race Relation’s Industry have put their offices on the market.

Oh, and their space programme department have for sale a half dozen slightly used rockets. You will find them on EBay.

Really?

Oh yes, it doesn’t end there. The railway line between Brussels and Strasbourg which every month did a full scale removal of all EU paperwork encompassing the process of government hasn’t seen a train for over a week. There is talk to help recoup some of the money they are going to sell that part of the railway system to a non-profit railway enthusiast preservation group.

Belgium will be financially destitute and will have to rely once again on selling Chocolates, Beer and Sprouts for survival.

Rumour has it Brussels is also up for sale.

The high class tailors in the city haven’t had any orders for over a week, the restaurants are going broke and the red light in the red light district has gone out and the working girls have stopped working..... if you understand my meaning.


I believe there is a huge pall of smoke at the back of the EU Commission’s building.

Arson?

Don’t think so, I believe they are hurriedly burning all the EU financial accounts for the last 12 years.

Its serious then?

Well not really actually.

How come?

Well it appears an enormous unforeseen side benefit of all this madness and mayhem is that all member countries can now return to some semblance of self government, control of their own borders, return to some form of democracy and freedom of speech and dare I say it bloody sanity. Good innit?