Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Second Application To British Arts Council

Second Application To British Arts Council

My Ref ….. Albion / 5A2/♫/up/BNP/♣ ♂
Dear Sir/Madam,

I was bitterly disappointed to receive your letter of the 9th inst informing me of your rejection of my application for a literary grant to have all my posts to the Front Nationale 
published in hard copy book form. Nevertheless I have been able to secure the services of a literary agent and in due course hope to have my social treatise in many libraries, schools and airport bookshops throughout the country, and in many high class niche booksellers.

 No doubt in due course I expect this literary masterpiece will be closely analyzed and discussed on the BBCs Sunday ‘Arts and Literature’ programme hosted by Cornwallis Shepherd-Blake and I would expect it to be subjected to a ruthless critique in the literary section of the Guardian newspaper.

My publisher expects the first edition to go on sale before Christmas, hopefully printed in 35 languages, including Urdu. Without wanting to appear overly flippant, I feel your negative response towards my initial application for a government literary grant, sadly shows your lack of forward thinking when funding new authors like myself, but that is your loss.

Nevertheless, I would like to take this opportunity if I may, of applying for an ‘Experimental’ theatre grant, to finance the presentation of a new musical which I and my associates hope will make its explosive debut on the boards of the London Palladium as early as next year, hopefully with the generous monetary grant from your good selves, Although we have not yet received any funding whatsoever for this enterprise from government, the EU, corporate business or any arts council, we feel that on initial rehearsals it shows great promise.

It is most unusual in its basic abstract concept, in that it is a theatrical adaptation taken from interminable BBC News and Current Affairs programmes, studio debates, endless documentaries, untold numbers of Guardian in-depth editorials, articles and interviews regarding the sad demise of one, Stephen Lawrence..

Yes, here at last and on stage and with over one hundred and fifty exotic dancers, breathtaking sets and exquisite costumes …It is the all dancing, all singing,

.......................... “The Stephen Lawrence Show”..........................

Yes, I thought that announcement would surprise and delight you. The Stephen Lawrence Charitable Trusts Bursaries and Remembrance days are all very well but we feel far more can be done to highlight the multicultural cohesion and rich diversity we are all experiencing in this wonderful country of ours. If you feel that our request is in bad taste might I respectfully suggest even at this late stage as an alternative we can rename this extravaganza “The Kris Donald Story?”

To be honest one commentator did remark he thought the show might be construed or misconstrued, depending on one’s point of view, as possibly being in bad taste. Another critic, not of the theatre I hastily add, even went as far as to say he found the basic concept, for some unknown reason, quite offensive; a criticism accepted in the spirit it was given, though negative comments like those are always to be expected from people who, unlike myself, are not published authors or devotees of the nouveau theatre.

Be that as it may, and here I would like to plagiarize the saying “one dares to go boldly where others fear to tread”, one should expect and gracefully accept some well intentioned but negative feedback, but it is for you and the literary board to decide whether or not my application will be successful, and I trust it will be judged solely on its artistic merits.

I would like to bring to your attention that in the early planning stages, our artistic director did make contact with the leader of the BBC’s Northern Show Band hoping to utilize their services, but it appears their engagements were penciled in well past the pantomime season. We have commissioned Sir Anthony Lloyd Feather to write the music and have already auditioned hundreds of dancers and players.

Hopefully in the future we expect to take this visual feast and colorful production on the road to many provincial towns and villages, who because of their remoteness have been discriminated against in the past. It is a story that HAS to be told, and as you are well aware it has been told, innumerable times over the years, so much so that we now feel the time is ripe to put into stage production a full blown, rich, colorful extravaganza that factually tells ‘The Stephen Lawrence Story’ We expect to receive similar accolades as those lavished on ‘Don’t Cry for Me Argentina’” and ‘West Side Story” and at the same time cement his untimely demise into English folklore as surely as did King Alfred when he burnt the muffins.

We have already retained the services of over one hundred and fifty dancers; boys AND girls I hasten to add, as we are an equal opportunity employer, we are even employing people of color, yes even blacks, to partake in this wonderful spectacle. Our principle dancer is the world renowned Chantelle Duff who has starred in many New York Broadway hit musicals. Set production is well advanced and the wardrobe people are under extreme pressure, racing against time, making the magnificent costumes.

I trust you will look favorably upon this second application with the forward thinking of your board members who will be directly responsible in no small way to the birth of a musical that will be talked about for many years to come and also help retain the dominance of England’s musical, arts and theatre reputation throughout the world.

I again look forward anxiously to a fortuitous reply. Albion

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